Uncle Rob
by Aussie95
Summary: The gang meets a new member. Short summary I know. BTW, beginning is a little forced. I didn't know how to start, but I know how I'm gonna continue it.


_Kids, now that I told you about how I met your mother (Anne-Marie (random name)), I'm gonna tell you the story about how we met a person who was very important in our lives. In fact, if it weren't for him, me and your mother wouldn't be together now._

* * *

><p>Lily was in the teacher's lounge in the school where she worked. It was 5 o' clock and everyone was almost gone. She was about to leave too, she was just enjoying some coffee before seeing Marshall, Ted, Robin and, she sighed, Barney. Was it because she was thinking of how innappropriate(?) he is, by the way she hates that it's really, she understands that he has to be manly in front of his pals but sometimes he passes the limit like when he told her that joke. God, she still thinks about it. It wasn't even funy. Anyway, was it because she was thinking of how inappropriate(?) he was that she didn't notice a guy walk in behind her?<p>

"Hi." He said, a little shy. She turned around and looked at him. She didn't know if she should've been charmed to meet him or disturbed at the way he was talking to her.

"Um... hello?" She said a little hesitant. They stood there for an awkward second.

"Uh...I'm Rob. Well Robbie for friends." Now she was really disturbed. She gave a weird look at him.

"Hi? Rob?" He stared at her for a while. "...bie?" He smiled.

"Hi. Hi." He then stopped smiling and frowned, as if he was disappointed in something. "You know, I'm sorry. I look like an idiot, I'm sure. I just moved a few days ago and got this job and..."

"I'm Lily." She said kind of out of pity. He laughed out of relief.

"Oh thank you. For not being like other New Yorkers I mean. Most people I've met, who live in the same building as I do, I dont know if it's a coincindence or not, have been jerks to me." They smiled for a second. Lily broke the silence.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" He looked at her.

"I. Am so happy. You asked me that." She looked at him awkwardly. "Nothing."

"Yeah I got that." She looked at him a little more. "Listen, I usually don't invite people I've just met, out of pity to my best friends bar but... you wanna come have a drink with us?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. You seem like a nice guy. Alone in the big city. I'd feel bad if I didn't help you out." He was astounded.

"Uh... yeah thanks." They stood there (AGAIN) awkwardly.

"I'm married you know? So you can't hit on me."

"Oh yeah I know, I know. I wasn't planning on hitting on you. Not that I wouldn't, I mean, because you are beautiful but I'm gonna shut up now." They smiled a bit. "So... when and where?"

"Oh, seven O' clock at MacLaren's pub. You know where it is?"

"MacLaren's? Sure. It's not far from where I live."

"Okay, we eat there by the way." He said bye and started to leave. But she stopped him. "Wait. If I weren't Married, would you try to go out with me?"

"Uh... Yeah but... Sure bu I mean. Yeah. Okay bye. Gotta go." He said quickly before leaving. She just smiled and said.

"Still got it."

_Now kids, aunt Lily still doesn't know why she invited him to our bar. But one one thing is for sure. If she hadn't, we would never have met your Uncle Robbie..._

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><p>2030<p>

The daughter stopped Ted right there.

"Wait a minute, uncle Robbie?"

"We don't know any Uncle Robbie." The son added.

"Well, maybe you don't know him, but he sure as hell remembers you. Pardon my languange kids."

"Why didn't you ever talk to us about uncle Robbie?"

"Well, let's just say some wounds never heal completely."

"What do you mean? Where is uncle Rob? Will we ever meet him?"

"Will you ever meet him? No. Because uncle Robbie is..." He sighed. "...dead."

* * *

><p><em>But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Where was I?<em>

He arrived at MacLaren's at 6:57. Lily was outside waiting.

"Oh hey Robbie." She said. "Go in, I'm still waiting for the others. Our booth is that one see it?" She said, pointing at the booth throough the window. Robbie smiled.

"Ok thanks. Well, I'll wait for you guys. Then." And with that he went in. He sat down and as he sat down some guy with a suit came out the bathroom, came up to him and said

"Get out of our booth." Robbie turned to him.

"I'm sorry?" He said a little confused.

"Get out of our booth or else..." He said. Robbie was scared.

"L...listen man, I got a..." Suddenly Robin, Lily, Ted and Marshall appeared.

"It's okay Barney I invited him." Barney turned around.

"What? Oh thanks Lily, how many lame guys do you have to invite to our bar in a week?."

"What?" Just as Barney was going to answer Robin cut him off.

"Forget it. Hi I'm Robin and you are...?" And they presented themselves. After a little bit of small talk Barney whispered to Ted.

"Let's check out the new guy."

"Sorry man, I'm with Anne Marie. But I'm sure you can have a threesome with the new guy and a another guy from the bar."

"No, that's not what I meant, I meant..." He sighed and yelled. "Hey! Who wants to go to the Karaoke?" Everyone kinda shrugged and said yeah. "What about you 'Rob'? Chicken?"

"Uh...actually, I was once in a band so... I'm always up for singing." He said nervously.

"Sweet. We're gonna watch the new guy lame out on stage." Barney said.

_But the truth was far from that._

When they got there, Anne Marie asked Ted if he wanted to do a duet with him. Barney looked at Ted, ready to make fun of him.

"Uhh...Nah. Not really."

After a few minutes of talking and drinking, when he knew that Rob was in the group to stay (not for long he thought), Barney climbed up on a chair and yelled to everyone in the bar.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this young man..." He said pointing at Rob. "...has been challenged to be part of our group. To be accepted, he will have to face the challenges of awesomness. Then he shall be judged by the judges." He paused for a second." ...of awesomness. If he accepts and accomplishes the challenges, he shall be one of us. If however he refuses the challenges or fails them..." He did a dramatic pause. "...he shall be rejected." He then gave a diabolical laugh until someone told him to shut up.

"Is...is this some kind of joke?" Robbie asked.

"No...sorry." Said Lily. "I guess I should have told you... There are two ways to be part of our group. One : you're going out with one of us. Second : you have to succeed in the challenges of awesomness."

"None has succeed. Then again few have tried." Marshall added dramatically

"Well...well, what are the challenges? How many are there?"

"Glad you asked my little friend." Said Barney. "There are three main challenges that never change, but each judge, that's us, give you each one sub-challenges which almost always vary according to the person."

"Oh..."

"So that's nine challenges." Ted piped in.

"So... what's the first challenge?" Rob asked. Barney smiled at him.

"Why do you think we're in here?"

"Wait wait wait wait wait... I have to sing?" Barney gave a little smile.

"JUST sing?" Rob looked at him. "Oh no. You have to sing but you have to be drunk while singing and then we judge you." Rob was hesitant. "What's the matter? I thought you used to be in a band."

"Uh...yeah I was fired after two gigs so..." They all smiled at him.

"So...what's your first drink gonna be?"

* * *

><p>"So like like, then and there, he's like... Whatchawhaaaat modafukaaa?" Rob said in a high pitch voice.<p>

"Right well I think we're ready for you're song." Said Barney who was just a little drunk. Ted, who was completely drunk, said enthusiastically

"Ooooooh... yeah... do your song. Do your song. Do your song." The smal group started chanting. 'Do your song. Do your song.'

"Okayokayokayokayokayokay." Rob was mumbling. He then yelled "SHUT UP OKAY? Fur me soog..." He started saying in some kind of weird drunk dialect. "Me needs chaquiet... Goctha? Hihihi. Ok what these bitches GOT?" He looked through the books with all the songs.

"HOLY CRAP! They got...they got... JIMI!" There was a pause. "HENDRIX!" everybody 'Ooooh'd' "And...they also got the DOORS? What do I take? What do I take?" Before anyone said anything he said. "Alight Right HENDRIX FIRST... I'll do FIARE and...THEN I'LL DO LIGH my fir by the doors." He said, half falling asleep. Barney caught him before he fell to the ground.

"Oo-oo-ooh no, not now big guy. Barkeep! Fire by Hendrix now. Guys, pay him." Robbie went up on stage not even able to stand straight.

While the instrumental started up, everybody was laughing at him. He could barely stand up. Then, he made everyone jump by yelling in the mic.

_ALRIGHT! _A little louder than was intended. He was stumbling around the stage. Some guys were laughing, others were telling him to sit down.

_NOW DIG THIS BABY!_ Before singing the first verse he said quickly "God I love the drums in this song."

_YOU DON'T CARE FOR ME_

_Well I don't care about that._

_Ya got a new BOYFRIEND HA_

_I like about that._

_I only have one burning desire... _He smiled at the audience. He said in a soft voice, almost a whisper

_let me stand next to your fi-are. _He then yelled with all his lungs.

_LET ME STAND NEXT TO YOUR FIRE_

_EVERYBODY! _

_LET ME STAND NEXT TO YOUR FIRE. _Everybody in the bar started singing along to the chorus. Everybody except, Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney. (Ted was jumping up and down yelling the lyrics. Not singing, just yelling.) They were expecting something terrible. But instead it was awesome.

He sang another verse and when the second chorus arrived he went down to the audience who were at the table and started encouraging them to sing. Each time it was the same thing. He would put the mic in the face of some guy, yell 'your turn Mac', the guy would yell 'let me stand next to your fire' and Rob would pull away yelling 'I like this guy' and go to someone else. At a moment he went next to a blond and said.

"Can I stand next to your fire babe?"

She yelled 'Anytime sugar.'

He then went back to singing. When the bridge came up he sang.

_Ah move over Rover_

_And let Robbie take over YEAH! _He then started air guitaring.

At the end of the song, everyone was cheering, clapping and holding up their lighters in the air. He walked up to the bar. He yelled

"Challenge : PASSED!" The barkeep went up to him before anyone could say anything.

"Hey you get a free song." Before asking why, Rob just yelled 'WOOOHOO' And ran up to the stage and said

"BACK DOOR MAN BY THE DOORS!" Ted asked the barkeep why they gave him a free turn.

"Well, the manager thinks he's entertaining so..." They looked at him while he was singing back door man.

_I'M A BACK. DOOR MAN!_

_THE MEN DON'T KNOW BUT SCREW 'EM_

_THE LITTLE GIRLS THEY UNDERSTAND _He went back up to the blond girl and said _You know what I'm talking about right?_

* * *

><p><span>Next morning<span>

Ted woke up with a hangover. He went to the couch to realise Barney was there.

"Hey man. What're you doing here?"

"Huh? Oh I woke up here. When you lead a life like mine you're never surprised when you wake up somwhere..."

"What's the matter? You seem angry."

"It's the new guy." Ted was surprised.

"Huh? W...why?"

"He...he's too good. He was supposed to be pathetic up there. He was supposed to fail. Instead he...he..." He paused. "He was awesome..." He admitted.

"Well...you can always make him fail by giving him a impossible challenge." Barney smiled.

"I already have. Hahahahahahahahahaha." Ted flinched.

"Christ not so loud. I'm still hungover." Then Marshall came in.

"Ah, finally awake you two perfect." They both looked at him surprised. "You two were pretty drunk so I walked you up to here." He sat down in the chair in front of them. "So...what do we think of the new guy? Awesome right?"

"Barney hates him." Ted said.

"Huh? Why? I thought you'd love him."

"He's too good." Marshalll seemed a little hesitant.

"Guys, I'm gonna be honest with you... I think he's the seventh." They both looked at him. "Now think about it. Lily said it 'just clicked' between him and her. He was totally not freaked out about the challenges. He's the first one to ever try them. And he succeeded the first. For crying out loud, this is a milestone in our lives. He'll be the first one to try the challenges. He's the seventh."

* * *

><p><em>Kids, I should explain. When we were young, we always thought that when our group would have reached seven, we would would be complete. I forget why we thought that. Maybe it had something to do with the bible. You know, the number seven is a recurring number. A symbol of totality. You know, seven days to create the universe, the seven deadly sins. Uuuh...there's some more I'm sure. Seven soldiers of the apocalypse or something... Oh wait no, I remember why we said seven, because we had seen the seven amigos.<em>

* * *

><p>"Puh. Who cares. He'll probably fail the others." Barney said.<p>

"Uh, speaking of which, where is Rob?" asked Ted.

* * *

><p>Rob woke up somewhere.<p>

"Where the hell am I?" Noticed he was in bed with the blond from the bar. "Oh crap..." He started to get out when he realised he had a note in his pocket. It said.

CONTRACT.

THIS CONTRACT SET BETWEEN MR. STINSON AND MR. ROBBIE STATES THAT IF MR. ROBBIE CAN'T SLEEP WITH LILY ERIKSSON BY THE END OF NEXT MONTH MR. ROBBIE SHALL FAIL THE SUB-PLOT OF MR. STINSON AND, FAILING THAT, SHALL NEVER BE INSTATED IN THE GROUP. OTHER THAN THE USUAL WAGER, MR. ROBBIE AND MR. STINSON ACCEPT THAT IF MR. ROBBIE CANNOT FULFILL THE AFOREMENTIONED CHALLENGE HE WILL HAVE TO PAY A SUM OF 100'000 DOLLARS TO MR. STINSON AND IF HE SUCCEDS MR. STINSON SHALL HAVE TO PAY 100'000 DOLLARS TO MR. ROBBIE.

And it was signed by Barney and Rob.

"Oh, shit." He thought. "What happened last night?"


End file.
